4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
