Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wear drunk well.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
