You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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