no, he came in my armpit
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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