how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
