time to smoke my breakfast
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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