you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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