I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is wine microwaveable?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
