The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
