PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
