I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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