So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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