dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
