She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
