he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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