After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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