11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
