You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
