hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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