I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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