Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
