i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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