whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
