Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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