Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize