I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will pee on everything he values.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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