A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I would ride that face into the sunset
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
