Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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