so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
