She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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