I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
