I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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