Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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