I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
