Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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