so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
