I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
