Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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