you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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