I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
