Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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