You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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