She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
