3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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