does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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