im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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