What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
