I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
