I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
