i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
