This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The air taste purple.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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