If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
