you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
