Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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