i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
