i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
